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Moods · for · Moderns
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For once in my life I have a secret.
Current Mood: |
sunny side up |
Current Music: |
Ziggy Stardust (surprise, surprise) | |
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For the past two months, I have been careful to leave exactly 2 emails in my Colby inbox: the confirmation and booking numbers for my flight to Madrid. So when I went to write down those confirmation numbers in my anal retentive schedule today, I was surprised to find that the only 2 emails in my inbox where the digest of general announcements and the community digest of civil discourse. Shit. So I called three different STA travel hold lines (what kind of web-based travel agent doesn't let you find your shit online?). "Are you sure you booked through us Ms. Rudolph? I don't even see your profile on here..." Well, it turns out I had entered my last name into the first name field and my first name into the last name field. So I was Rudolph Allyson. Absolutely genius. I deleted the only two emails I needed to keep, and fucked up my name. But but but: I go to Spain in three days. And then I go to London. And then if I have any money left I go to Germany. And eventually I will study for my exams. Maybe.
Current Mood: |
jumpy |
Current Music: |
Janis Joplin | |
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Oy, my travel plans are getting all frustrated. I just want to get this shit figured out, but certain Londoners are being flakey. Sometimes I wonder if said Londoner even wants me to visit any more, and to be honest I'm tempted to just say "you're being a douche, and I don't want to come to your city." It doesn't really help that my instant messenger is busted again. Stupid proxy server. I want to go online.
Current Mood: |
grrr |
Current Music: |
The Vandals - The People That Are Going to Hell | |
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The appropriate response to "The Constant Gardener", a movie about how the west is killing Africa: a) Cry b) Revolution, fuckers c) "Oh, but it's not a true story" (hint...it's not c)
Current Mood: |
Helpless |
Current Music: |
The Madness | |
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I think of myself as a very adaptable person. I've lived a lot of different ways and a lot of different kinds of lives. And yet, I make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
Current Mood: |
 contemplative |
Current Music: |
Mad World (Tears for Fears version) | |
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Congress voted NOT to investigate Bush's clearly illegal and totally unethical eavesdropping/surveillance program. I want to hire a skywriter airplane to fly over every state capital and write: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING????? Honestly. Will someone please just suck it up and give Mr. Bush a blow job so we can get him kicked out? Please? Anyone?
Current Mood: |
Infuriated |
Current Music: |
Liz Phair - Mesmerizing (from the good old stuff, chill out) | |
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I am currently fixated on the "genre" column of iTunes. Normal human beings pay no attention to the category, but I am obsessed with giving everything an appropriate genre, and making sure all the artists and albums within one genre actually belong together. I really wish that my OCD would manifest itself in something more productive.
Current Mood: |
wide-eyed |
Current Music: |
The Rolling Stones | |
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Feeling inexplicably sad. Hoping it's a combination of going to bed at 4:30 am and three days of hail. Maybe I'm actually starting to miss being in the States.
Current Mood: |
Inexplicably sad (duh) |
Current Music: |
New York Dolls - Lookin For a Kiss | |
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My instant messenger has stopped working for good, and I've given up trying to resuscitate it. Resuscitate, by the way...strange word. If anyone knows of an IM app that actually works through a proxy server, or knows how to get Adium to work through a proxy server, let me know! Because this no instant messenger thing isn't really working out for me right now. Also, it's Valentine's Day, I cannot breathe through half of my head, my throat hurts, and I'm all achey and gross. Blah.
Current Mood: |
*whimper* |
Current Music: |
Blur | |
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I woke up on Sunday morning with 26 shot glasses in my purse. On Saturday night I ate dinner with my dad, one of his lawyer friends, and his friend's live-in girlfriend (who has a 21 year old son but looks about 30) at a very posh restaurant in a very posh part of town. I watched in amazement as we went through four bottles of wine, the men drank three limocellos each and the woman put back three mocha martinis and proceeded to grip my arm, tell me I was beautiful and smart, and insist on getting together for lunch and shopping sometime. Then I met my friends for the last half of their pub crawl. On Friday night I danced til 3. On Thursday night I watched cartoons for six hours straight while drinking cheap beer and eating cheeseburgers and french fries. On Wednesday night I drank a bottle of white wine. The last thing I remember is sitting in the common room with all my friends, wearing only underwear and making out with Jessie, who was also wearing only underwear. Then again, we were all wearing only underwear. On Tuesday night I intended to stay up and watch the State of the Union address. But Rachael was working selling test tube shots at a gay club that night, so I donned black shorts cuffed above the knee, black paisley fishnet tights, knee-high black boots, and a sparkly shirt and danced til 3. I like dancing til 3. On Monday night I handed out flyers for a club and walked away with 30 pounds cash. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Current Mood: |
Pickled |
Current Music: |
Fall-Out Boy. Shut up, I like one song. | |
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...with AIM. I think that instant messenger is fucking with my head. I also think that I'm addicted to it. I plan to quit, but the prospect of quitting is really scary to me. Anyway, I'm finding it really hard to talk to people online lately, even the people I'm closest to. It's making me doubt the very foundations of my relationships with some of my closest friends. And, because I'm me, it's caused me to think way, way too much about...lots of shit. So I think it's best to just end the affair. Things are going really well in Edinburgh. I just have to stay in this world, and not drift into Colby, or London, or the future that I can't even guess at, and everything will be fine for right now. But god...I'm really fucking scared at the moment, and it has to stop.
Current Mood: |
inexplicable |
Current Music: |
Orpheus and the Underworld | |
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I'm going to Paris! Ok Ok I know it's been, well, a really long time. And mostly I was just here hoping to find my Parisian girlfriend...I need to inform her that I booked my ticket to see her the weekend before Valentine's day. But it looks like she's as bad at Livejournal as me... In other news. I'm in Edinburgh. I love it here. Also, my new housemates make me think that if I'd gone to a bigger school I'd have ended up in a sorority. A frightening thought to say the least, but I love the feeling of comraderie inspired by drinking together at least 5 nights of the week. Here I'm faced with two options. I can be true to the original LiveJournal plan, which involved posting overblown melodramas about my woefully underdeveloped love life; or, I can quit while I'm (at least a tiny bit) ahead and leave it here. Let's just say this, to satisfy the melodrama requirement: I don't feel as safe as I did. I'm a tiny bit scared, and I'm starting to think that Shakespeare wrote plays about people like us. To my dear Parisian hottie (if you're reading this) comment back. I don't know your email address anymore...
Current Mood: |
Quiet |
Current Music: |
The soothing sound of my radiator | |
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I finally got into Edinburgh! I am so happy I can't even stand it. Scratch that. I would be too happy to stand it (what does that even mean??) if I wasn't getting my ass handed to me on a platter by my philosophy paper. Actually, I don't know what "getting my ass handed to me on a platter" means either. Some people go to bed when they get tired or stressed, I resort to cliche. Anyway. Edinburgh: Yay! Philosophy rewrite: Boo! Figuring out what I have to do to *actually* go to Edinburgh: Really big boo... Oh and I've been getting multiple Myspace messages from some guy I don't know basically begging me for my screen name. Any ideas on what to do about this problem? I want to be a better writer, sort of in general. I wish I knew what I was doing with my life. And I miss my old music...
Current Mood: |
bipolar |
Current Music: |
Dinosaur Jr. | |
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And the number one reason I'm tired of living chem-free: ***The pick up line of choice in the Colby community seems to be "So...where do you live?"*** Let me tell you, East Quad is not the right answer to that question. Oh and ARG. I remember why I stopped going to parties. I get all dressed up and feel really good about myself, and then I come home to an empty (and, at the moment, freezing cold) room. When really, if I'm going to look fantastic I would like to know for sure that someone appreciates it. That's enough whining for me tonight. I'm going to bed.
Current Mood: |
dissapointed |
Current Music: |
Eurotrash techno | |
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The past makes me sad and the future scares me, so I'm trying to be in the moment. At this moment I am happy. And sleepy. I've had a lot of happy moments lately, and that's good. But it feels like I'm playing one of the old MarioKart races, where the road is really narrow and it's really easy to drive that go-kart right off the edge. I've got a lot of those cool wizard-Koopa guys to pull me up, especially my mom, who gets more amazing every time I talk to her. It's still kind of scary, though.
Current Mood: |
torn |
Current Music: |
Edith Pfiaf. Don't ask. | |
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Jen, you will probably never speak to me again if you read this...so...maybe you should just close your eyes now. I HAVE DREADLOCKS! Yay. I might put up pix, except I'd have to take some first.
Current Mood: |
up |
Current Music: |
...and you will know us by the trail of dead. (yes, again) | |
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Goddamned motherfucking cuntlicking cocksucking dumbass stupidshit RAIN. Hail and gale force winds are not acceptable weather phenomena. I heard a tree-branch cracking outside the health center and am now living with the terrible knowledge that at any second an entire tree could tip over and hit me on the head, which would leave me very much deceased. Or at least in lots of pain. I should complain less, especially after getting Adrienne's emails from New Orleans... Also, to Lena, I'm sorry I was such a bitch at lunch. I was having a "why can't the world be warm and fuzzy and nice" moment, which in retrospect means I probably should have eaten lunch with...well...not my favorite cynical and endearingly bitter fire-dancing friend. I could tell you this in person, but I'm too cold and damp to leave my room. I've also decided my life would be much improved if I could turn into a cat at will. Because sometimes you just need someone to pet your head.
Current Mood: |
vulgarneuroticcuddly |
Current Music: |
Marshall Crenshaw (heart! the big sappy kind) | |
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College is hard... I called my mom in tears this morning because I was so overwhelmed by work. Of course my brilliant response to having too much work is to cry to the point of physical incapacitation, which is utterly useless and certainly doesn't make the work get done any faster. Plus it's a sort of embarrassing thing to do in the dining hall...but I had to eat! Anyway, thank goodness for Bobby Redwood, who sat down and ate with me. I've never had a hard time with time management before; this year is getting to be a little too much for me. But I'm not willing to give up the time I have with my friends. So many of them are graduating this year - I want to make the most of the little time I have with them. And I love having friends. It's still kind of a new thing for me. Lotsa research to get started on. Every week I tell myself I'll get ahead...and every week I end up panicking on Sunday.
Current Mood: |
Wiped. |
Current Music: |
Tsar...who are surprisingly good | |
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Incrementally but steadily, my room is getting cleaner. The long and intense period of bodacious stress is fading. I will sleep in tomorrow. I will sleep in on Friday. I might even sleep in on Saturday. I will start my homework early so I'm not rushing to finish it in the ten minutes before class. My computer is starting to have good music again. I am up to 6 days of mp3 files. I am still mourning my screensaver. If anyone knows anyone who has Zombie 1.0, by Beverage Software...I know it sounds dumb, but I loved that screensaver. It was profound. This is possibly the most boring post I've ever posted. But, well, my life is really boring right now. I wish I could tell you about the steamy love affairs I'm in, or the surrealist adventures I've been taking, but sadly interesting things have not been happening to me of late, and I have not had time to create excitement for myself. I'm going to search for a replacement screensaver. But nothing will be as good as Zombie 1.0.
Current Mood: |
This is your brain on homework |
Current Music: |
...and you will know us by the trail of dead | |
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My computer came back with nothing on it. No music. No photos. Not even Microsoft Word. I'm typing my latest paper in Text Edit. Oh and now the light in my room is flickering. Boy does that make me happy. Not. I'm only barely staying caught up with my homework. I don't have the time to try to rehabilitate my computer. I cannot spend hours looking up nice photos for the desktop. I cannot spend hours downloading fonts that aren't boring. I cannot spend hours pilfering my friends' music collections. All I can do is read and write papers. In Text Edit. I want someone to cuddle with who will make me tea when I get sad. I feel like Indiana Jones at the beginning of the first movie, being chased by a giant stone ball and only just barely staying ahead of it. Ok I'm going to shut up and stop whining now. I have a lot of writing to do.
Current Mood: |
Really fucking down |
Current Music: |
The Stone Roses | |
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tinydanza's journal